We finally have a Skycable at home! Welcome us into this millennium. (supply canned applause here)
I can’t remember what I watched on the first day of its installation. Tonight, housemate Rollo insisted we tune in to saccharine Hallmark. He was hoping we could catch something so family oriented it would keep his thoughts from Palawan 2. When we tuned in, lo and behold, there was Oprah. Tonight’s topic was about going green. The title was enough for me to doubt whether Rollo would have a respite from Palawan 2 tonight. Happily, going green refers to environmentalism and has nothing to do with being green and green blooded.
I have nothing against environmentalism. Who would have? Some of my best friends are environmentalists (I’m trying to remember who). It’s these Americans whining about the trash they make. I just want to tell them, “Hey, you started it.” Just come to think of it, they want us to save on styrofoam plates because it’s too much trash. But last time I know, they popularized it together with junk food! The Europeans don’t have much use of styrofoam plates because every time they party it’s fine dining. The Japanese use elegant earthen wares and revere their wooden utensils like a good animist. They sacrificed their shinto gods in cutting trees for plates. The Chinese are equally reverent when it comes to their ceramics. The middle easterners altogether eat in one gigantic plate. As for us Filipinos, Mother Earth is thankful we are poor. So poor that we cannot afford to throw our melaware plates into the trash. Most of us are so careful with them that they become heirlooms.
Before every commercial, Ms. Oprah would call upon her staff to distribute to the audience packages of bric-a-brac as an environmentalists’ starter kit. What I see is another batch of trash and Oprah’s the culprit. And every time she announces that a new set of giveaways are to be handed to the audience, they throw their selves into hysterics. It’s Wowowie, only with a Hollywood touch but lacking the tear-jerking audience narratives.
Oprah introduces products that are environmental friendly. We can all get them from her website. Sorry, Oprah Miss Dear. We already have ukay-ukay. Beat that.
If there was ever an observable success in this show, it was Miss Oprah making me resurrect my plans to become the next big thing in Miss Earth.
At Channel 2nd Avenue, the show was worse. A tabloid news was reporting on contestants drowning on a radio network’s water drinking contest, a seagull entering a convenient store and taking off with a pack of crackers, a tough talking infant girl, a fourteen year old paparazzi, pet burials. It’s Rated K without Korina’s annoying cheeks on screen.
And now I have to change the channel. It’s Helen Degenerate Show starting.
In HBO, Ninja 2. A bunch of muscled actors with a master’s degree in non-acting pretending to be military men in a resort. With the way they act (Hi, I’m Jake. I’m a ranger.) and clothed (multi-colored beach florals!), I felt like I was watching a Chichi La Rue film.
In Jack TV, a stupid adult-humor cartoon. I think I’m staying. At least, Jack TV has raised stupid shows into an art-form.
Oops, I accidentally pressed the channel button. I’m in AXN and it’s Fear Factor. Whew! One contestant is a big, big white boy. I palpitated.
Ugh! He’s eating roaches. But those shoulders are making me stay tuned.

Want more roaches, Baby?A question pops in my mind: would I kiss him after he munches those horrid critters?
I’m thinking.
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