My Own Cinema Paradiso

If you have nothing to do to contribute to the economy, go ahead and read. Otherwise, go do some AIDS quilt. It won’t raise the GNP but it’s something much socially significant than reading my blog.

September 7, 2006. PBCOM Tower. Yes, I’m in the office and since the rain is raging outside, I blog.

I hate whiling time. Such a waste. I could have done the same while sleeping but I can’t do such while in the office, especially when company time is ticking. However, I could pretend to be working while blogging. But prior to this, I was reading J. Zafra’s filmography on camp featuring Joey Gosiengfiao and Elwood Perez, two brilliant 70’s/80’s directors of whose movies I was an unknowing fan. For my younger readers, Gosiengfiao has the genius to bring us Temptation Island (the bitchy gay socialite walks between two quarreling beauty pageant contestants and remarks, “Rubbadabdab… two bitches in a tub!”), while Elwood Perez gave us Valentina, And Babaeng Ahas (Valentina, dining in Manila Hotel sees Darna flying over Rizal Park, says, “Sino ang babaeng yan na baba ang lipad?”). Or perhaps you could remember the former in scores of Alma Moreno flicks such as Bomba Star, The Diary of C.G., and Nympha (Inay… ang init… Inay…). Reading through her filmography, Jessica reminded me of one of my first loves: script writing.

Hindi mababa ang lipad nya. Mababa ang height nya.

What could have been possible if I were transported back to 70’s or 80’s and gets to write and direct my own campy films? Hmmm… Le’me see…

Birhen ng Porta Vaga. This is a sequel to Ang Mga Mata ni Anghelita, the movie that launched the career of the late Julie Vega. This sequel will chronicle the procession of arbularyo’s and faith healers who attempted to revive the body of a dead girl back to life. Yes, it will star Julie Vega, er, in the corpse.

Pag-Puti ng Uwak, Pag-Itim ng Tagak. This is my take on the movie of the same title starring Vilma Santos and Bembol Roco. Only I’m using real stork and raven to play the part. Probably a true story.

Heto ang Sa’yo! A movie full of angst. A retelling of a real-life crime of passion that never happened. I guess this movie will never be made either as the viewers already have enough of Carlo J. Caparas massacre movies.

Heto Rin ang Sa’yo! This will probably get through the producers as it involves the decapitation of a duck who double crosses a friend and ran away with a sewerage cleaner. Yeah, the characters seem complicated but nothing can be more complicated than the true story on which it was based.

Malate by Night. How predictable can you be?! This is about a cat that lives in Malate Church. Well, yes, she’s a wayward cat so there’s going to be lots of sex.

Malate, Malate, Pano Ka Ginawa? Ah, yes. It’s about an aging diva’s reminiscing of Malate along Orosa and Nakpil on a Saturday night. Quite original really. I’m having Bernardo Bernardo in mind.

Kambal sa Uma. In the original movie based on a komiks serial, Rio Locsin plays twins, one human and one half-human-half-rodent. In my version, the twins are gay professionals, one engineer and one physician. The conflict, none of them is human. Both are rodents.

Katorse. I wish Dina Bonnevie can play the lead role. It’s about a girl who has sex with fourteen men every fourteen days. Wait, isn’t that like everyday? I’ll have my friend Ning Hao play the part. Or Ecto.

Dabiana. It’s an autobiography. Me prior to my body-shaping depression and before becoming a Fitness First matron.

Uhm… Ahhh… Ahhh… Ohhh… This is experimental. A silent movie.

Now, as you ponder on these fantasies, betting on which of my ouvre would bag the FAMAS, I’ll try to look for Mother Lily’s calling card.